.png)
Sandra’s new co-workers are irritating her more than usual, Bolu is crumbling under the weight of his course load, and Symphony has huge bags under her eyes ever since the birth of her daughter. What do these three have in common? Stress. Before you go on to conclude they should just take a breather, that is unlikely to deal with the root of their problems. Despite the general consensus that rest is the answer, most of us are dealing with stress completely wrong.
Chances are, you get just as stressed out from time to time, and that is not always a bad thing, but not dealing with it is. Stress, no matter who you are, is the result of your brain's response to your lack of mastery and control of the world in front of you.
Stress results from physiological or emotional strain that we suffer from when faced with a challenge we have not prepared for and not equipped to take on. Sometimes it creeps in as due dates draw nearer and nearer whilst we lag behind on the workload, or it can just show up when a child or parent is diagnosed with an illness we don’t have the funds to treat. Regardless of the cause, it can have debilitating effects on us, but not for the reasons you think.
Stress, from an evolutionary perspective, is in fact a good thing when handled or dealt with appropriately. Our bodies secrete cortisol, a hormone that causes an increase in the release of sugars (glucose) into our bloodstream, as a response to situations our brains perceive as fight-or-flight scenarios. It also reduces non-essential bodily functions and primes the body for repair in the event of injury.
This adaptation served our ancestors well, helping them escape from predators or fight off deadly opponents in tribal warfare. But in our modern world that is safer than ever before, we need to work around our brain's failure to differentiate the threat of early morning traffic and a face-off with a grizzly bear as the same sort of stress. You should not be losing your head just because you are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic every other day on your way to work.
Prolonged stress will have damaging effects no matter who you are. Weight gain, high blood pressure, anxiety, muscle weakness, etc, however, the effects are less concerning than the actual cause. The daunting challenges you are facing are the real issue.
The feeling of a lack of control over your present situation is not unique to you. Sometimes the problems may feel as if they are too big to overcome, keeping you up late at night as you try to figure out solutions. And usually there is, that is, if you follow these steps.
The way forward - The Map
The only way to move past your current position is to first acknowledge the fact that you are in a tough spot. This acceptance of responsibility is not the easiest feat, but it is necessary if you want to make any significant difference to your situation.
What comes next?
- Familiarising yourself with the details of your current position. Take stock of everything that is wrong, requires fixing or tending to. It could be your poor diet or messy work schedule - anything(s) that feels like you have lost control, note it down, and in doing so watch as it becomes less daunting and more approachable.
- Set reasonable goals. Once you know where you stand, it's time to start figuring out where you are going. Unfortunately, the reason most people get even more stressed when trying to make changes to their lives is because of the unrealistic aspirations and goals they set for themselves. Yes, you need to move from point A to B, but Your B should be backed by a ‘why’ that is logical, and serves your overall plan for life. If you want to get in shape, it should be because you want to be healthier and feel better about yourself, not because you want to get more attention or some other shallow cause. Goals are necessary, but they need to be well thought out before any commitments are made.
- Beliefs, Behaviours and Processes.
- Beliefs? These are affirmations you tell yourself about where you are and what you are doing along the journey. Your beliefs are the foundation for your motivations, and your motivations will help keep you going when the going gets tough.
- Behaviours? Are made up of habits, which are the subconscious acts that will either make or break your efforts to get better. You want to form habits that make what needs to be done doable, almost as if it is second nature.
- Processes? The structures and boundaries that provide the direction and path to getting the work done and putting you in the right frame of mind to perform the necessary tasks. Believe in yourself. Pick up the right habits, and set up the needed structures to realise the change you need.
Once the Map is set up, I can almost guarantee a big weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You will know almost everything you need to do, and at that point all that needs to be done is the work, the,
Mastery
What does mastery look like?
- Balanced self-talk. You are going to miss the mark a few times, and you are going to impress yourself in other times. Pat yourself on the back when you know you have made good progress and treat yourself with compassion when you fail. Giving yourself grace when you don’t measure up to your expectations makes it easier to try again, and celebrating your wins when you get them fuels you up with the emotional juice to keep striving for more.
- Practice. Practice. Practice. Whether it's learning to balance your accounts or training for a marathon, you need to do what your map is telling you to do as often as possible. If you want to get better and reach your goals faster, there is no way around the fact that practice makes perfect. Your results will only be as good as the hours you put in.
- Breakdown the tasks. No one ever wrote a book from cover to cover in one sitting, it's impossible, and unnecessary. What is necessary is breaking down the task into smaller, more manageable chunks that when approached bit by bit, eventually come together as a finished product. So next semester just try to read a chapter a week, instead of the entire book three days before your final exam.
- Maintain focus and be selfish with your attention. Productivity is high when the mind is not jumping from one task to the other. You have taxes to do this weekend? Just do them and only that. The second you let your attention fall onto anything else, you are taking energy away from what you initially regarded as most important. If you want to get the most out of yourself, learn to focus.
If you have made it this far, I'm sure you can tell stress is not this demon spirit that randomly terrorises the masses. It is part of everyday life. It is a result and not a cause. It is sometimes necessary and other times detrimental. Its effects are up to you to police. So do not let it pull you under or lose your hair, just grab your life with both hands, map a way forward and work up to it graciously.
